This phrase came to me one night, not in epiphany nor a vision. But rather in a normal yet odd way of typing some keywords online. I searched on Google for the patron saint of writers and St. Francis de Sales came on top of my search engine results. I went through his background, how he came to know God, what have He done to bring himself to such degree of holiness. I was rather impressed by his quality of patience. His complete willingness to lay his whole life into God’s will. For those who know me, patience is not my greatest strengths, impatience is in fact responsible for many of my panic attacks, emotional breakdowns and constant beating of my own self-esteem.
Here’s the part of his life that touched me the most:
In Dijon that year Francis saw a widow listening closely to his sermon — a woman he had seen already in a dream. Jane de Chantal was a person on her own, as Francis was, but it was only when they became friends that they began to become saints. Jane wanted him to take over her spiritual direction, but, not surprisingly, Francis wanted to wait. “I had to know fully what God himself wanted. I had to be sure that everything in this should be done as though his hand had done it.” Jane was on a path to mystical union with God and, in directing her, Francis was compelled to follow her and become a mystic himself.
Three years after working with Jane, he finally made up his mind to form a new religious order. But where would they get a convent for their contemplative Visitation nuns? A man came to Francis without knowing of his plans and told him he was thinking of donating a place for use by pious women. In his typical way of not pushing God, Francis said nothing. When the man brought it up again, Francis still kept quiet, telling Jane, “God will be with us if he approves.” Finally the man offered Francis the convent.
“I had to know fully what God himself wanted. I had to be sure that everything in this should be done as though his hand had done it.”
For the past few months I’ve been trying my best to live my life according to what He has plan for me. That leads me to reject a number of job offers because I just don’t feel “Godly” right. Sound crazy right? I might not fully seen and understand yet His whole plan, but seeing a glimpse of it make everything worth it.
All I’m sure of right now is “God with us if He approves.” I was repeatedly affirmed by Him but as a human I can’t help to doubt at times. Writing this post reminded me of one song from Hillsong, Higher and the lyric goes like this:
For unto us a Saviour came
Amazing grace that takes the weight
His name is hope for all the earth
His name now and beyond this life
God with us
And You shall be called Almighty God
And we shall declare
Your name is higher, higher
Jesus Christ Your name is glorious
Your name is greater, sweeter
In all the earth, higher, higher
Now unto me, the Christ revealed
For you so loved and love me still
So great and greatly to be praised are You
So great and greatly to be praised
I owe You my life
I will worship You forever
I owe You my life
I will live to bring You praises
And yes, I owe Him my life.